I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
