I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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