I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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