yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
