My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
