Sry I called you an 8
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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