Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
that's an acceptable place to lick
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
