There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
