I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize