i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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