dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
