I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
