this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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