You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
