i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
