I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
God, I missed his penis.
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