i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
