What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
