I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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