I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
