She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
well you can't waste a boner
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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