oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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