My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
