listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
