there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
