Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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