Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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