I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
