After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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