god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You smell like stripper and shame
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
