He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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