I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
