I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
