did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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