I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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