my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
