So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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