dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
