I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
