Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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