this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
