So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
