You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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