the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
