It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
