At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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