I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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