you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
