is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
