I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
