TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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