If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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