Got a toothbrush?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
