My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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