if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my liver is dry heaving
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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