Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
