It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
