I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
