Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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