I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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