we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You may now shotgun with the bride
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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