I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
