so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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