The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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