There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
look no pants
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
