girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
