Your dad touched me again.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
