I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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