Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
