u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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